Life Changers are those events in your life that seem to rock you back on your heels or make you stop and reflect. They are those moments or days or weeks-months in your life that you can point to and say "Aha! At that point I started seeing my world in a different light", be it for the better or not. It's those events that cause stress, good or bad, but stress nevertheless.
At 50+ years and counting, I seem to have more of these life changing events coming closer and closer together. I think it's the piling on effect that is rocking me on my heels! I keep hearing my mom and grandma telling me 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and I have to wonder, is that really true? We used to tell my nephew 'it builds character' and he would do the infamous kid-eye-roll as he walked away. But seriously, why does it seem that the life altering events in our lives seem to come faster and closer together the older we get?
Let me define what I think is a life changing event:
- Learning to ride a 2-wheel bike with no training wheels
- Moving from Elementary to Middle to High School
- Getting a new baby brother or sister in the family
- Losing a favorite family member - aunt, uncle, cousin
- Losing a grandparent
- Moving out of the house to a college dorm
- Marriage proposal
- Graduating from college
- Getting married
- Having kids
- Getting a divorce
- Having to deal with teenagers alone
- Watching your parents age before your eyes [and knowing you might have hastened the process!]
- Moving more than a 5 hour drive away from home - to another state
- Major Surgery
- Menopause [sorry guys, had to go there]
- Losing a parent
- Making the choice to move back to your home state and then making it happen
- Having to admit that your living parent needs around the clock care, not at home
- Losing your second parent
- Experiencing catastrophic weather events like floods and hurricanes
Many years ago, Gail Sheehy wrote about Passages in our lives from the ages of 18 - 50. She has written other books, but her original book really spoke to me in my 30's and screams at me in my 50's! I am living those passages through life events. In a nutshell, my personal stressors are at an all time high. Life is throwing lemons and I can't make lemonade fast enough! AND I'm running out of buckets, barrels, pitchers and places to put the damned lemonade!!! How's that for cliched and snafud??
How do other people deal with these life changing, game changing events? Do they seem to come closer together as you get older or is it just me? I'll be curious to see who posts comments on this one. :-)
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Here is a site that rates the stress of events in your life: http://www.stresstips.com/lifeevents.htm
Or another site with a list of events and their point totals: http://www.stressaffect.com/Stressful-Life-Events-List.html
I think you're absolutely right about them coming at us faster as we get older. And the stressful thing is that most of them are completely out of our control. Nothing we do will stop them. We can only learn to deal with the aftermath and rely on each other. I remember feeling complete desperation a time or two when my mother was in one hospital and my husband was in another and I spent my days running between them. There were days when I had to just put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. I started to feel numb. Then I felt guilty because my mom died and I actually felt a sense of relief. Now, three years removed from that time, I realize that I just did the best I could and it's okay.
ReplyDeleteAnd, it will be okay for you too. I often think of that country song that says something like "when people say life is hard, I wonder, compared to what?" Yes, life is hard, but at least we're living!